Do you ever have those days where you throw something together and you have no idea if you look halfway decent, but at least you put some clothes on and left the house? Yea that's how I've felt pretty much all summer and I haven't been 100% in love with the outfits I've been photographing these past couple months. But the way I see it- I've been branching out a bit for myself. I can wear any number of fit and flare dresses in flattering colors and put together something I like. Wearing various separates and lots of modern or more relaxed clothing definitely starts to feel like I'm stepping outside my comfort zone. Add on the anxiety of shooting in sketchy public places and I think I should have some type of bravery achievement unlocked.
These plaid 90's high waisted shorts were just a dream when I found them on Etsy, but I didn't have a top to go with them right away. I honestly was thinking more of a white or very pale pink top to pair with them, but alas I was wearing one of my go-to blue bralettes and thus this matchy-matchy look was born! Unfortunately I'm way too modest to just wear a bra as a top, so a light cardigan was a must. Owning predominately pastel hues, while lovely, can be a little overwhelmingly matchy, but I threw caution to the wind and decided to try and rock it.
I was back in the art district of Wynwood for these photos. I will be leaving Miami in 2 weeks now (yikes!) so I'm feeling crunched for time to do all the things I wanted to before I leave. As less-than-perfect these past couple months have been here, I don't think I'm ready to pack up and head back North just yet. Even though Miami is definitely not the place for me, it still is such a comfort being somewhere familiar after months of feeling lost. I may have been living in NJ/NYC for 3 years already, but it still feels strangely foreign and I feel I just don't fit. These past 3 months have just whizzed right by and now I'm left feeling like I didn't make the most of it.
Its unbelievable too that in such a short time I will be moving in to a new apartment accompanied by my boyfriend. After two years of long distance it seems crazy to think all the stresses of that are now gone. Of course now comes a new chapter full of unique struggles with forming a new and very close life together. Although I'm excited I'm also wary because I have seen the end of a friendship with my previous roommate. But I have hope that we're strong enough to make anything work and remember to not let the stresses of the world seep in and corrupt a good thing. We recently celebrated our two year anniversary and I've honestly been so wigged out about how much time has past.
When I start feeling anxious about time and things changing I'm reminded of why I'm a photographer- struggling to freeze and collect the very tiniest indications of feeling within moments. I'm hoping that once I'm back in NJ I'll start photographing seriously again. I've become so focused on sewing and crafting that I've lost any desire to photograph. Before art school I used to shoot anything and everything, while now I ponder ideas beforehand and harp on the impetus. Oh the struggles of post-modern photography... No matter what I do I know it needs to involve bigger production stuff. I want to make props and costumes for shoots and create fantastical images, but the struggle always comes back to 'what.'
I need to just channel that which is important to me. Whatever I do end up creating will probably have some familiar roots or feminist undertones. While August may not mean bouncing back to creating photos right away, I definitely want to take that time to explore some new ideas. If anyone has any book recommendations (preferably with some awesome female characters) or any other suggestions about fueling the creative fire, please let me know! I've also been considering the role of women throughout various cultures. As Americans its easy for us to sometimes forget that there's a myriad of different practices just beyond our borders and I'm fascinated to see if those ideas can too feed back in to my work. I'm also looking for film and theater play recommendations because I could definitely use that type of inspiration as well. Whatever I do end up doing for this coming year of thesis, I hope that I can create work I truly love.