Monday, May 11, 2015

Going Forward

Hey guys so I have been pretty inactive for a long while. Even before that, I know I never updated with much regularity. Life has been crazy hectic and I think certain things held me back from making this blog a space I could actually freely come to and keep up with.

This past school year was my last. This week I will be graduating college and will be done with schooling forever, or at least for the foreseeable future. While this past year HAS made it incredibly difficult to find any free time, there were also a handful of reasons keeping me from posting.

At the end of this past summer I found myself outgrowing (literally) much of my clothes and when I turned to shopping for vintage in my usual ways I was so disappointed to see that going up in a couple sizes meant letting go of some of my past shopping habits. Then winter came and I took to pants and hoodies for comfort and the whole style blogosphere fell by the wayside. And even more recently I have been dealing with body issues and how it relates to my gender identity. These past couple years have seen a huge shift in how I see myself and want to present myself, and with that I have found the whole blogging experience I once had in mind becoming less and less anything I want to do.

I never wanted to be a style blogger, really. When I started I wore pastel dresses and then found people like Scathingly Brilliant and Mermaidens who I admired in many ways. I don't regret having these individuals to inspire me to blog, but I feel in many ways they sort of set up a framework I internalized for how my own blog should be structured. But when I didn't feel like I met these standards of perfection I myself set up, I was feeling disappointed and never quite happy with this blog.

I almost wanted to delete every one of my posts and completely start over, but I need to have them as a reminder of the person I once was, as well as to remember all the sweet people who have commented and kept up with me along the way. I greatly appreciate you guys hitting that little follow button and sticking through all the radio silence.

So going forward I want more of a clean slate. I want to focus very much on whatever is important to me. I've been trying to neatly divide and compartmentalize all these aspects of myself and my interests, but that feels disingenuous to who I am as a person, and in the end leaves me feeling unhappy with my little internet presence.

I don't exactly know where to go from here, but I hope to stick with this.


(Also forgive the way the blog looks right now, I've got a lot of work to do in terms of re-doing it.)